As a postpartum depression, self-medicating, overwhelmed, stressed-out, “who the hell am I after having these kids” survivor, I understand the constant challenges of motherhood. It’s a beautiful journey yet challenging to say the least!
I've been thinking a lot lately about my journey and what I would say to my pre-mommy self. Here's what I would tell her...
Buckle up Buttercup...the magical journey of motherhood is going to be a wild ride! Always remember you have permission to fall down and get back up as many times as you need to! Trust your intuition, listen to your body, be gentle with yourself, stay true to YOU, YOUR hopes and YOUR dreams and create the happy that makes YOU happy! Kids don't need a perfect mom, they need a present and whole one. You've got this!
There are so many things I wish I knew before becoming a mom and advice I wish I had listened to but was too green to appreciate. Nevertheless, this is not about regrets or "shoulda, woulda, couldas". I am sharing my experience in hopes that it will help a future mom have a smoother transition into motherhood and remind an experienced mom that she is not alone and there is a way forward to joy, peace and healing NOW, not after the kids are all grown up!
Let’s start from the beginning…
I remember it like it was yesterday. 6-weeks after having my first child, I told my OBGYN that something was off. I didn’t feel like myself. She brushed it off and told me I was just a tired new mommy adjusting to motherhood. As that tired new mommy, I didn’t push back. I listened to the “expert”. Deep down I knew she was wrong, but in that moment, I clung to her words. I needed to believe in the hope of “everything will be ok” like those words were a magic wand that would require no work on my part. Oh, was I wrong!
Maternity Pics 2013 • 2016 • 2022
What followed was almost 7 years of a roller-coaster ride so wild most people wouldn’t stand in line for it at an amusement park. --You know the rides where they take photos so you can show people you are the brave soul that fearlessly got to the other side, the rides that have “I survived” t-shirts in the gift shop.-- After countless sleepless nights, questioning my parenting skills, 3 toxic jobs, a 3-day alcohol detox (that I voluntarily stayed in for an extra 7 days for the much-needed break from reality), a miscarriage and 2 additional beautiful souls that I ushered into the world, I can proudly say, "I SURVIVED", but there’s no t-shirt for that! There’s no t-shirt for the moms that suffer in silence every day. For the women so desperately trying to find the balance between their dreams, their kids’ dreams, their partner's dreams, work, family, friends and all the unspoken obligations and pressures we have as mothers...society telling us we can’t “have it all”, while we silently want to go rogue and create the life we dream of!
I decided to go rogue because I was tired of waiting for something to magically change, and my Fairy Godmother was a no-show! The emotional roller-coaster was unrelenting, and I could feel the mediocrity beginning to settle in my bones. I was slowly but surely giving in to the notion that being constantly tired, stressed and overwhelmed was just a part of being a mom. YES, motherhood is hard as hell and can absolutely be all of those things, but I don't believe we are meant to go so hard for our families that we forget about ourselves in the process. We have to take care of ourselves FIRST or no one gets our best.
I stumbled my way through finding natural solutions to calm my busy mind, energize my exhausted body and help me reclaim my sense of self. So many days I wanted to quit, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and letting God and my ancestors do the rest. I took my power back one small step at a time. Meditation, reiki, holistic skincare, massage, sound healing, aromatherapy, herbalism and weight training have all been an integral part of my healing journey. For the first time in almost a decade, my soul feels seen. This healing journey is continuous, but now my joy and gratitude elevate me even on my most challenging days. I am finally doing motherhood on my terms!
Mommies are magical! We are literally the bearers of human life, and there’s nothing more magical than that! We heal by remembering our magic, standing in our truth and making ourselves a priority. So, cheers to my fellow mommies! Let’s heal and celebrate our magic together!
Love this Dr. Jen! Glad to see you have reclaimed your power! Thanks for reminding me that getting my power back is possible, even when I don’t feel so magical!